Weekly Election Update: Boisterous Erel Margalit Edition

  • Yair Lapid, whose brow is ever furrowed, continued his campaign for the premiership with an attack on Netanyahu regarding political appointments. Bibi wants to move away from a hiring and application process for direct appointments to a number of political positions. Lapid, who appointed every member of his party to their political positions, claims that the Likud wants to give jobs to associates and activists. He prefers application and qualification examinations for everything except university.
  • Labor MK Erel Margalit is campaigning to be Labor’s next leader. He released an anti-Bibi video that can only be described as loud (this is my, “no really, click this” link of the week. Basically a faster, louder, “manlier” version of this classic). The video shouts that Bibi has not been investigated thoroughly because he holds the Chief of Police and Attorney General “by the balls”. The video directs citizens to a campaign attempting to make the Supreme Court demand an investigation of the Submarine Scandal. Israelis are also told to stop “whining”, “complaining” and to “get up off the couch”. Tangentially, Margalit recently hired two senior political advisers who are currently the subjects of criminal corruption investigations.
  • Meanwhile, 50 Amona families are holding Bibi by the balls. The government is attempting to save face within the settler camp by finding a new deal for the residents of Amona. The deal, which was accepted by residents, would allow 24 families to stay on a neighboring property. The government hopes that the evacuation of Amona would be delayed by a month while work begins on the new houses immediately. The deal also means a proposed bill for the quick resettlement of evacuated families and more money for the Binyamin Regional Council. The solution is graceful and precise except for that the new area may also be privately owned Palestinian land. The (alleged) owners should just cut out the middle man and build Tzimmers and apartments to rent out to Jews. Bibi also told Minister of Internal Security Gilad Erdan to demolish a number of illegal Arab owned buildings throughout the country.
  • HaBayit HaYehudi MK Nissan Slomiansky had the worst week in Jerusalem as it was revealed that he was the MK under suspicion for sexual harassment and sexual assault. Slomiansky, who denies any wrongdoing, is being pressured from inside his own party to suspend himself while the accusations are being investigated.
  • Bibi would like you to know that he is meeting with world leaders and visiting Muslim countries, but that the media won’t report it because of their desire to sell the “Isolation Illusion”, which is the name of Yair Netanyahu’s EDM band.

Totally precise and not arbitrary election date: February 6, 2018

Winner: Yesh Atid (Lapid continues the global trend of political outsider victories. But can he build a coalition and with who?)

Runner Up: Likud

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